Outstanding

Sue Sylvester is the best thing in Glee. FACT. Emily Cross posted a great video that plays Sue's version of Vogue alongside Madonna's and it is frame for frame with added amazingness because it's Sue Goddamn Sylvester. Her lines in the show are undoubtedly the absolute best. You do not mess with Sue because she will run you the fuck over, bitch.

Sue: Iron tablet? Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating.
Will: I don't menstruate.
Sue: Yeah? Neither do I.

I've never wanted kids... don't have the time, don't have the uterus.

Oh, hey William. I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens from the little elves who live in your hair.

You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.

I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.

You're right, Will. I have been trying to destroy your club with a conviction I can only call "religious."

I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'

Will: Hold on a second, Sue.
Sue: I resent being told to hold on to anything.

Ya Wanna Be On Top?

Like a lot of girls, I seem to be programmed to love makeovers. I can't help it. The makeover episode of America's Next Top Model is universally regarded as THE BEST ONE in every series.

Look at these foolish models cry because they have short hair now! The shallow idiots!

But the best kind of makeover, I reckon, is the really fast one. This may be the reason that I secretly kind of like (I say secretly but that's actually a total lie) Snog Marry Avoid? For the fact that there's minimum feck-acting about, there's just a bit of banter between the freakishly orange, nearly naked lady and the fake robot (I wonder if that's how they pitched the idea) and then bzzz-ping! Done and done, hey look at her lovely bobbed haircut and floaty gúna! Great.

As such, my favourite movie makeover, hands down (or in this case, where I can see them) is Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies. When Jamie is fooled into thinking she has to act like a fancy prostitute by Arnie (GET TO DA CHOPPER!) she undergoes a deadly transformation in the hotel hallway.

Rippin some bits off the dress...collar and frilly bit on the end begone...

Makeup, makeup...bit of water...splishy splashy

Fix your boobs...strike a pose...ta daaa! Fancy hooker a go go!

Of course then there's the scene that follows. Apparently it's been voted the Number 1 movie striptease ever or something. So now. Consider yourselves informed.

***

Also, we're now on Facebook! Come be friends with us! There's cake!*


*There's no cake. I'm sorry. I lied.

Mr. Takagi...won't be joining us for the rest of his life

Alan Rickman has officially got The Most Amazing Voice Of All Time. It's the sound of chocolate talking. It's knicker-droppingly sexy. As much as I love him as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibilty, we all know it's the villians that he's so fantasticly good at. Allow me to draw your collective attention to the brilliantly hilarious and concise The Many Faces Of Alan Rickman.

Inspired.

Ducktails Best Theme Choon Ever

in German

Grinds My Gears

Some things that have been annoying me lately:

The new Magnum Gold ad. Mostly due to the fact that they're insisting on calling it Magnum Gold?! Which has to be the worst pairing of exclamation and question marks I've ever had the misfortune of seeing. What's the story like, are they not quite sure if it's actually a Magnum Gold, but at the same time they're excited about it? It's awful, unnecessary and makes me die a little inside whenever I see it.


Also, why in the name of all that is chocolatey is Benicio del Toro fronting this ridiculous ad campaign? The telly ad is confusing, since it looks like Angelina Jolie is in it too but it turns out to be just some bird that sort of looks like her. Just get off my telly.

Facebook groups that don't let you see what the OMG YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS LOL etc point of them is until you "Become a fan". Just tell me what it is or fuck the fuck off. (Saying this, I have increasingly been coming across many groups that describe my life in ridiculous detail, such as Trying To Sound Awake On The Phone While Still In Bed At A Ridiculous Time, Realising how drunk you are when alone in the toilet, I don't remember getting this bruise.. and The Mini Spaz Attack When You're In Bed, Half Asleep And Imagine You're Falling.)

Kick Ass. Are the Bear and I the ONLY people in the world who thought it was rubbish? It probably didn't help that we had seen Aaron Johnson interviewed on Jonathan Ross beforehand, where he came across as the most unlikeable pint of no craic the whole time he was on. So as soon as he came on screen we each just thought "here's this sulky fucker again." It's overhyped and not very good at all.

CJ off Eggheads. Because he's a smug cunt.

Ah. That's better.


***

Also, I've been less cross and altogether more excited while talking about The Dead Flags over on Culch.ie of late. Sure why not have a look?

Guess Where?

Ray Foley has these up on his blog. They are in Ireland! mad stuff

Fighting On The Planet's Side

Dear God I'm much too hungover today to blog coherently. Also I somehow managed to bruise the palm of my hand. How does that even happen? A lot of fun was had last night though in celebration of Mazatron's birthday, what with the smuggling of Jameson into the pub (because it transpires that I'm actually a total knacker), trying to show T Cup how to Time Warp and conversations about how rubbish the "heart" power was in Captain Planet. Although the Bear later reminded me that there was an episode where they combined their powers without that irritating heart kid for some reason and as a result Captain Planet came out all mean and uncaring. So I suppose they did need him really. Anyway, hangover aside I will pull myself together just enough to say how much I love this ad for MAC's Viva Glam campaign with Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga. Of course, that's mostly due to the fact that it looks like it was shot in a cartoon bordello.

Gaga looks gorgeous altogether and Lady Lauper seems to be just the right side of Photoshopped-ta-Jaysus in that she's more or less recognisable at least. Hot stuff.

So just because it's amazing, here's the opening and closing credits to Captain Planet. Unfortunately it turns out that it's impossible to find a version of the frankly FANTASTIC closing song that doesn't have some announcer fucknut talking over it. Nonetheless, I dare you to try NOT to sing along. It just can't be done.

Playing House

It would appear that there's nothing like the impending visit of parents to get people to tidy, hoover and dust an apartment, hide the tangle of cables connecting the telly to the many things it's connected to, including the Bear's SNES console (incidentally, the original MarioKart is WAY harder than MarioKart Wii and Street Fighter II is just as good as you remember) and hang up the pictures that had previously been sitting on the floor. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was faffing over whether or not I was ready to tell the Bear that I loved him, and now we've bought a canvas print from Grogan's, share a fridge and have Sally Jupiter hanging over our bed.

We trade Over The Rainbow and America's Next Top Model (don't you judge me) for Scrapheap Challenge and BBC4 documentaries about physics and then meet in the middle for Glee and 30 Rock. Saying that however, I actually did get quite into Wonders Of The Solar System which was mostly due to lovely Professor Brian Cox being so damn endearing and getting so enthusiastic about space and whatnot. I even had a dream the other night that I met him in Disneyland and we got on like a house on fire. I was pretty annoyed to wake up and find that I was not in fact friends with the Professor or even in Disneyland.

Harsh.

Look at him there, being brilliant. Apparently he was the keyboard player in D:Ream while studying physics. He's great. I think I'm a bit in love with him actually.

This post was supposed to be about how great it is to be living with the Bear but ended up meandering into how lovely and great Brian Cox is. Although the Bear did just rob a Yorkie from my Easter Egg and laugh at me when my foot went to sleep just now and I couldn't feel it. So that's what he gets. Ha.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

Apparently he's on Twitter and had an inkling earlier on in the week as to how things might pan out for him.
Anyway Happy Easter Egg Day to all!

Le LetterBox Dublin

I subsribe to "Le Cool" every week or so and it's pretty good. It has a good mix of what's on in dublin for the next two weeks like the chemist mentioned in Ulyses and what they are doing to try and keep it opened as a place of interest although if yiz are going to read from Ulyses in there then forgetta bout it, that just sounds like a bunch of douchebags with stripey scarfs trying to make themselves sound smart, if it were me I wouldn't do the reading except on Blooms Day as this would make it more of an event.

Anyway I also found this little gem in it too which i thought was really rather sweet.

The old post boxes of Dublin are full of history. If, because of road works perhaps, you ever get to see the foundations of one, you may find that its base is still painted red, since the days prior to 1922. When I lived beside a house that had once been the home of James Joyce, I often imagined that I was walking in his footsteps as I strolled to the post box on the corner, letter in hand. Post boxes are full of potential too. There’s a very unique post box on Dame Lane at the end of George’s Street. This special wooden box is the portal for the Interactive Street Art Project. Here you can post a letter to God, to a stranger or to the past, or even share a secret, based on a monthly changing theme. The current theme is ‘Your inner child.’ What does yours look like?

This weeks subscriptions can be found here.

Oi Vey

This is available as a podcast on itunes.

Yea I dunno either really, haven't listened to it just thought it was a bit of a peculiar title.

After Work Pints

Last Friday I was informed that I "had a head on me like a kid's TV presenter" and that I should've been on Bosco. Which I was pretty happy with, considering how badly a statement from a stranger that begins with "D'ya know what you're like.." can go. This observation was from a random guy called Deckie who had struck up a conversation with the Bear outside The Stag's Head, solely based on the fact that he too was a big beardy long haired man. In fairness to him, Random Deckie provided us with a good three and a half pints worth of rants, stories and shenanigans. He'd been out since two o'clock the previous day. I have no idea what was keeping him going but it made for some damn funny conversation. Especially the story about how he went to college with a guy whose mother was the voice of Bosco and a rant that involved the phrase "it'd be like sucking off Robocop".

I just wish I could remember what that one was about.