Shake Your Whammy Grammy Funky Song

While scrolling through all the galleries and slideshows of BAFTAs and Grammys dresses, I found myself getting increasingly annoyed with how anyone that showed a bit of personality or divilment in their choice of attire was relegated to the Worst Dressed lists. Balls to that, says I.

The endless shots of black dresses at the BAFTAs quite frankly bored the tits off me (apart from Helen Mirren and her deadly pink hair, obviously), so I've decided to show some love to my favourite gúnas of the Grammys, all have which have appeared on the Worst Dressed lists.


I think Florence Welch looked fucking mighty in her slinky, shiny, spiky jewel-green dress. Like a sexy stegosaurus. And I love a bird with a big nose, being one myself.


Estonian singer and songwriter Kerli has been given a right rough time of it, with fashion writers sniffily deriding her makeup and devil horns, placing her as the star of their Worst Dressed or "What were they thinking?" style of lineup. I think she looks absolutely balls out brilliant. She describes herself as "bubblegum goth" and the fact that her bag looks like it might be a turtle of some description only further endears her to me.


Kimbra, of plinky-plonky earworm "Somebody That I Used To Know" fame has also been scornfully dismissed with lines like "New Zealand singer Kimbra wore a bizarre netted number on the red carpet" and "Kimbra looked like she was wearing a dancing costume and the dress had way too much going on. She certainly stood out, but for all the wrong reasons!" HAHAHA YOU'RE HILARIOUS, FASHION WRITER LADY. In my opinion, Kimbra looked bloody marvellous, like a sparkly woodland fairy that's scandalising the forest by becoming a showgirl. Also, she looked so genuinely happy and excited on the night, it just seems mean to be a jerk about someone so endearing. YOU GO KIMBRA.

Also, as an aside, does anyone else think it sounds odd when fashion writers go on about how someone's makeup "could have used a red lip", as if they only have one? Like, you wouldn't say someone was "rocking a stylish black pant", or "looked amazing in a stripey sock". So yeah. Stop that.

Hey Girl

After completely forgetting to watch New Girl when it started on Channel 4 a few weeks ago, the Bear and I acquired all the episodes so far and happily ate them them all up over the course of a few evenings. It's no Community, but it's fun and cute and endearing, much like Jess, the new girl in question, played by indie hipster dreamgirl Zooey Deschanel.


Admittedly you have to get past the fact that everyone seems happy to pretend that Jess isn't actually ridiculously beautiful, but once you do, it's quite an enjoyable show. Although Schmidt gets most of the best lines and his bizarre, celebratory habit of rolling around on the floor and randomly jumping off things while shouting "Parkour!" totally cracks me up.


Another aspect that I like is the predictably gorgeous, liberally striped, polka-dotted and fun wardrobe that Jess has. I want everything she wears. And her magnificent hair too, please. I also totally dig the fact that she practically lives in flat shoes, as I own all of two pairs of (relatively low) heels and and for the most part, couldn't be fucked with the hassle of wearing them.


While I was doing a search for New Girl, a Sweet Valley Twins book called The New Girl kept popping up. Given my current Sweet Valley obsession, I immediately decided that I had to make this happen:

Day Of The Deadly

At this spooky time of year, when pumpkins are the decoration du jour and dressing as a sexy {insert random profession/ fictional character here} is the default option for far too many, the people of Mexico are gearing up for Día de los Muertos. On the 1st and 2nd of November, family and friends gather to honour those who have died, with sugar skulls and flowers playing a large part in the tradition. La Cavalera Catrina (The Elegant Skull), an etching from 1913 which portrays an upper class woman as a skeleton has since become a staple of Day of the Dead imagery and is one of the most popular figures associated with the traditional holiday. She's also a fantastic character to take on for our own autumnal celebration, Halloween.

The original 1913 etching and Catrina figurines. Eat your heart out, Tim Burton. What an odd and Halloween appropriate phrase that is.

There are some really beautiful takes on the Cavalera Catrina look, with the illusion of sewn lips and a painted skeletal face executed in a very elegant and decorative manner. It's almost like an intricately floral voodoo zombie look, with a bit of New Orleans Mardi Gras and gypsy fortune teller thrown in for good measure.


In terms of a Halloween costume, I'm determined to take it on some day, as it makes for a gorgeous and creative look and just going back to the unnecessarily sexy costumes, anything's got to be better than this, right?

I'm sorry to say that your eyes are not in fact deceiving you. That is indeed a "sexy" Brian from Family Guy costume. A SEXY VERSION OF A CARTOON DOG. STOP IT.

Fair City's Finest

You may remember that some time ago I designed EP artwork for the very lovely EleventyFour. Part of that design consisted of her new logo, a depiction of Eleventy driving a forklift against a Rubik's cube background in honour of her song Forklife, which concerns her stealing a forklift and using it to do good deeds.


Since then, the wheels of EleventyFour's plan for world domination have been well and truly set in motion, with her whimsical influence most recently reaching as far as...


FAIR CITY


I have been reliably informed that this charming young man is called Wayne. As someone who doesn't actually watch Fair City, I can only assume that he's something akin to Carrigstown's version of The Fonz.

Here we see Wayne heroically consoling his friend who is quite clearly distraught over his choice in cushion pattern. If Wayne had been there at the time, his cushions would be amazing. Because Wayne knows the entire Ikea catalogue off by heart.

Wayne about to rescue a barrel of puppies from rolling down a hill.

Considering I was excited to see something I designed on iTunes, I can safely say that it now pales in comparison to to the brilliance of SUPERWAYNE and his excellent choice in logo t-shirts.

Stormageddon Style

During last week's episode of Doctor Who, while the Doctor and James Corden were dashing around the place dodging Cybermen, I noticed that baby Alfie (or Stormageddon for fellow nerds) had superb taste in rainwear. For a character who didn't utter a word, he managed to steal the show entirely thanks to the Doctor's ability to speak Baby and a dynamite choice of coat.

Baby Alfie working that star pattern.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that I happen to own what is essentially THAT VERY COAT myself.

Me acting the maggot in my Dunnes raincoat after a bellyful of Odessa french toast.

You see what's happened here is that Alfie liked the look of my coat and got his own version, it's not that I dress like a giant baby. Just so's we're clear.

Moisture Is The Essence Of Wetness

When I hear the word mermaid, I pretty much automatically think of Disney's irrepressibly cute Ariel, representing for redheads in their twinkly canon of princesses.


While the original shell bikini-ed Ariel is lovely and all that, there are two non-movie incarnations of her that I really love. One is from a Disney campaign shot by Annie Leibovitz which casts Julianne Moore as the underwater princess, all ethereal and pale skinned with flowing red hair.


The other is a decidedly saucier version, in which artist J Scott Campbell re-imagines her as a devastatingly sexy aquatic temptress with a set of knockers that must be damn near impossible to submerge.

I keep expecting the ship in the background to tip over from the sheer force of her outrageous rideyness.

I quite like it when mermaids appear in popular culture, where they seem to either be unfeasible love interests or enticing predators. Most recently they were featured in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Darryl Hannah flopped her tail fins around in Splash! and both Sade and Lady Gaga have put in turns as lovelorn mermaids in their music videos.

Larry: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek: Mer-man! (Black Lung cough) Mer-MAN!

Anyway, what prompted me to fish out (Haha! Oh COME ON, it had to happen sooner or later) pictures of foxy sea dwelling ladies in the first place was cinema's first mermaid, Annette Kellerman.


Annette was an Australian swimmer, high diver, stuntwoman, model and star of vaudeville and film who revolutionised women's swimwear and invented synchronised swimming too while she was at it. In the early 1900s, women were expected to wear woollen dresses and pantaloons while swimming, all in order to protect their collective modesty. *shakes fist at patriarchy* Annette, a world-class swimmer, was having none of that stupidity and fashioned her own swimming costume by sewing stockings onto a men's racing swimsuit. Take that, squares!

That saucy wench, flashing her KNEES! Someone think of the children!

However, one day in 1907 she was swimming at a beach in Boston wearing one of her fitted one piece suits without the leg coverings and was promptly arrested for indecency.

I love that she's making it as awkward as possible for that jerk to bundle her into the paddywagon.

Undeterred, she went on to create her own line of women's swimming costumes, encouraging ladies swamped in layers everywhere to ditch the stupid woolly sailor dresses and go for a one piece that they could actually move around in, paving the way for modern swimwear. She became a major film star, appearing in many underwater adventure movies as a mermaid, designing her own costumes and developing the first swimmable mermaid outfit for camera. She was also the first well-known actress to do a fully nude scene in 1916's A Daughter of the Gods.


As if all that wasn't enough, she also wrote several books on swimming and beauty, a book of children's fairy tales and opened a health food shop in Long Beach, California. Considering all Ariel managed to do was catch a touch of laryngitis and marry Prince Eric, I think it's safe to say I have a new favourite mermaid.

Dutch Divilment

Come 9.45 tomorrow morning, the Bear and I will be squeaking with excitement as we board a plane that'll take us to Amsterdam for five days of mischief and frolics on a houseboat. A HOUSEBOAT! In a shock twist, I'm actually packed and everything which is very unlike me, although I ended up doing it in my underwear due to constant trying on of clothes I was bringing as I seemed to have completely forgotten what everything looked like on me.

A few days ago I came to the conclusion that I had absolutely NOTHING to wear for fuck-acting around Amsterdam and its tremendous environs and did what any reasonable girl would do. I panicked and tried on around 38 different things in Penneys. After getting annoyed at the fact that I appear to be a size eleven in AWear, finding myself trapped in a pair of Topshop skinny jeans, buying and then returning a floral dress from Forever 21, I eventually calmed down by picking up this spotty navy gúna in River Island.

Yes. This will do nicely.

Given the indecent amount of fun we had the last time around, the odds are pretty much in our favour that it'll be at LEAST twelve kinds of amazing. At LEAST. Hooray!

Flight Club

There once was a time when air hostesses weren't synonymous with blue eyeshadow, orange tide lines on their necks and cranky Ryanair staff. Instead of all that they were mile-high glamourpusses, coiffed and beaming as they sashayed down the aisles in gloriously silly go-go boots, pill box hats, or even hotpants depending on your choice of airline.






They appeared to be quite partial to a spot of lounging around in plane engines, which was surely somewhat irresponsible at best and downright dangerous at worst.



In even more flagrant flouting of air travel safety procedures, they also seemed to enjoy entirely blocking the steps to the plane in immense numbers, but boy did they look all pretty and coordinated in doing so.


Jeri Ryan and Zooey Dreamgirl Deschanel both rocked the retro stewardess style delightfully in Down With Love and Almost Famous, respectively.



However, American Airlines damn near ruined the experience by availing of their trolley dollies in a tremendously creepy manner for their ad campaigns.


Weird, weird, WEIRD.

(Loads more vintage air hostess pictures here, should it take your fancy.)

Pendragon Female No. 4

Back in October, when I was working part time, I somehow managed to get a callback from an open casting for Camelot extras. I say somehow managed because I went to the casting day with the Bear, and if anyone would be expected to get a callback for a series set in the days of beardy, burly, long haired men, it's him with the beardy, burly, long haired head on him.

Nevertheless, t'was I who got the call to spend a day drinking tea in a Portakabin in Bray. I had a costume fitting the previous day and was assigned a spectacularly unflattering light green scratchy dress and a heavy brown cloak in which to wander about Pendragon Castle for a spell. I got needlessly excited when I was sent on my way to the hair and make up trailer, as the hair and make up in question really just meant backcombing the shit out of my hair to give it that Middle Ages rats nest look, with a few small plaits thrown in, and brown make up smushed into my face and hands to give me an authentic smudgy, dirty mush and fingernails. So hot right now.


The scene we were required in called for us to enter the set of the big hall, all agog at the impressive interior and wander along our given routes looking amazed, for we were but local merchants and had never encountered such grandeur. The direction of my track brought me right past Sinéad Cusack as the duplicitous nun and I managed to get in the way of her exit at least eight times or so. Thankfully we were eventually rearranged and it was someone else's go to be that infernal extra that kept crossing in front of her path. All my determined concentration not to step on the dress worn by the girl in front of me or knock anything over OR be distracted by how tiny and gorgeous Eva Green is actually paid off and last Friday night, who was to be seen doddering past in the background?


Me, that's who! Pendragon Female No. 4, all up in yo business! Delighted, I was. I'm still waiting to hear back about my idea for my character's spin-off series, The Girl With The Pendragon Tattoo.

Ahem.

I'll see myself out.

Away With The Birds

For quite some time now, I've been admiring the fun and quirky t-shirt designs of Lady Umbrella and when they very kindly shared a promotional code for a 15% discount on Twitter I figured that was as good a time as any to pounce. Their bright blue "Lady Umbrella Is Away With The Birds" t-shirt won me over with its turbo cute birdcage design, as well as the fact that I can be somewhat away with the birds myself from time to time. Only a few days ago a co-worker was trying to say hello to me while I was on my way to the office and had to whack me with her newspaper to get my attention.



Their customer service is faultless and tremendously friendly, as I discovered when I cleverly managed to order the wrong size from their online shop. There was no problem exchanging it and the t-shirt even arrives with cute as a button badges to boot.


The Lady Umbrella online shop can be found here and they're also at the Loft Market in Powerscourt. The Facebook and Twitter pages are definitely worth a click of the Like and Follow buttons, since they're always running great competitions and discounts. So now you've no excuse not to support a great independent designer. Consider yourself informed.

Back To 1955

Oh my aching feet. Last night I, along with the Bear, T Cup, the Incredible Mulq and various others bedecked in fifties finery danced our sexy socks right off at the shoot for The Dead Flags and their ingenious Back To The Future themed video. The red and white dotty dress I wore to the Blog Awards was whipped out once again, this time with a ponytail and neck scarf to Class of '55 the bejaysus out of it.


Up until that point, I spent my long weekend pretty much offline, under the radar and armed to the teeth with scissors, glitter and paint as I was tasked with the aquatic style decoration of the venue. I found it most amusing that for someone who ticked the 'no religion' box on the census form, I spent a sizeable amount of Good Friday cutting different shapes of fish out of coloured paper. I think that between the Bear and myself, we cut out something in the region of two hundred fish, not including the bigger and be-glittered fish and seahorses that adorned the stage and pillars. It was ridiculous, but the upstairs of the Grand Social completely looked the part for the Enchantment Under The Sea dance, if I may say so myself. Here's a sneaky still from the shoot:

My banner has tidier lettering than the original, despite my initial intentions to match the movie version. When it came to painting them in though, my natural instinct to stay inside the lines took over entirely.

I'm extremely excited about seeing the final result for the video, the song itself is insanely catchy and has been rattling around my head for the last three days. Rest assured that as soon as it comes online I'll be shoving it in all of your lovely faces from every conceivable angle. In terms of the internet, anyway.