Pendragon Female No. 4

Back in October, when I was working part time, I somehow managed to get a callback from an open casting for Camelot extras. I say somehow managed because I went to the casting day with the Bear, and if anyone would be expected to get a callback for a series set in the days of beardy, burly, long haired men, it's him with the beardy, burly, long haired head on him.

Nevertheless, t'was I who got the call to spend a day drinking tea in a Portakabin in Bray. I had a costume fitting the previous day and was assigned a spectacularly unflattering light green scratchy dress and a heavy brown cloak in which to wander about Pendragon Castle for a spell. I got needlessly excited when I was sent on my way to the hair and make up trailer, as the hair and make up in question really just meant backcombing the shit out of my hair to give it that Middle Ages rats nest look, with a few small plaits thrown in, and brown make up smushed into my face and hands to give me an authentic smudgy, dirty mush and fingernails. So hot right now.


The scene we were required in called for us to enter the set of the big hall, all agog at the impressive interior and wander along our given routes looking amazed, for we were but local merchants and had never encountered such grandeur. The direction of my track brought me right past Sinéad Cusack as the duplicitous nun and I managed to get in the way of her exit at least eight times or so. Thankfully we were eventually rearranged and it was someone else's go to be that infernal extra that kept crossing in front of her path. All my determined concentration not to step on the dress worn by the girl in front of me or knock anything over OR be distracted by how tiny and gorgeous Eva Green is actually paid off and last Friday night, who was to be seen doddering past in the background?


Me, that's who! Pendragon Female No. 4, all up in yo business! Delighted, I was. I'm still waiting to hear back about my idea for my character's spin-off series, The Girl With The Pendragon Tattoo.

Ahem.

I'll see myself out.

Limp Biscuits

Is everyone else as bewildered by the new Jacob's Mallows ad as I am? It kicks off with the fuzzy and familiar "Kimberly, Mikado and Coconut Creams" jingle, but before it ever gets a chance to lull the unsuspecting viewer into a false sense of security, we're assaulted with some sort of R&B auto tune disaster and a watered down Pussycat Doll rejects crashing the Mad Hatter's Tea-Party acid trip. Watch it below, if you dare.



It's bizarre. I'm all for rebranding and trying out a new approach for something, but personifying biscuits that are automatically associated with licking and sucking (easy, now) as a tacky girlband just feels incredibly inappropriate.

Genuine biscuit girls in your area, call now on 1800 69 69 69.

The whole Alice In Wonderland schtick falls flat and anyway it's been done to death at this stage. Even Harvey Norman ads at the beginning of the month were beating us over the head with Mad March Hare rubbish, and back in 2004 Gwen Stefani did it infinitely better in her What You Waiting For? music video. Their costumes, which are meant to represent their respective biscuits have the look of a lame Katy Perry rip-off, and just wait till you hear about their oh-so-diverse personalites. Apparently "Kim" is spicy and fun, "Mika" is naughty and mischievous and "Coco" is ditzy and fluffy. Reader, I'll rely on you to roll your eyes here for me, because if I roll mine any more they're going to clean fall out of my head at this rate.

Gwen and Katy give a far superior cutesy Wonderland vibe.

Kim, Mika and Coco even have a Facebook page where they inform us that they live together, which is all a bit Biscuit Girls of the Playboy Mansion, or y'know, a brothel run by Mr. Kipling. All their flirty winking and finger licking comes off as rather cheap and desperate, and I know ads are always using sex and tits to flog stuff, but some just pull it off (har har) better than others, like this Virgin Airlines ad.

Blow-job faces a go-go. Or as the Bear more succinctly put it when I showed him these photos, "insert cock here".

I honestly don't know what Jacob's were thinking. I know it's all meant to be a bit of light-hearted fun, but I find it jarring and unsuitable for what's been a family-favourite style product for as long as I can remember. There's also an excruciating two and a half minute music video that's an extended version of the ad, containing such lyrical dynamite as "I'm hip, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not" and "I'm a naughty girl and it's making me hot". You can watch it here, but you probably shouldn't, unless you're the type of person who gets a kick out of burning themselves with candle wax or poking their bruises. You have been warned.

Thunderstruck

Years ago, when I was only small, I remember queuing up to get my face painted and when asked what I wanted to be, I answered "Cheetara". The face painter in question hadn't the faintest idea what I was talking about and my seven year old self must not have been much good at explaining the concept of Thundercats. I'm fairly certain I ended up with my face painted like a tiger. When I was in college I screenprinted the Thundercats logo onto a tshirt for myself and got excited when I found a Cheetara action figure in a Kinsale junk shop. Because that's how cool I am. (By cool I obviously mean a giant nerd.)

As it happens, Thundercats are making their way back to small screens later this year. The new show features a redesigned Cheetara and a much younger and somewhat anime-looking group overall.



I think I like the look of this new version, although I'm a bit torn, as the orange leotard is more or less synonymous with the character at this stage.


Granted, original cartoon Cheetara's hair was veering ever so slightly towards Mulletville, but her badass blue eyeshadow and orange markings were tremendously cool.


The eighties comic book version more or less ditched the "business at the front, party at the back" hairdid and became rather less orange as a whole.


The franchise got a reboot in 2002 with a new series, and Cheetara was drawn as quite the amped-up ride, all massive rack and deadly boots. The 2011 incarnation of my second-favourite cat lady is quite manga-ish in style which I'm not entirely sure about, and since I saw someone online describe her new look and shaggy blonde mane as something akin to Ke$ha, I can't quite shake the idea.



The bastards.

Under The Boardwalk

I've been rather quiet on the old blogging front of late, mostly due to a mixture of being struck down with what I can only assume is consumption, a spot of childish sulking over not making it as a finalist for the Irish Blog Awards, busying myself with an exciting design project and being generally enthralled by Boardwalk Empire of an evening. It's Prohibition-era Sopranos created by the writer of The Wire, i.e. flipping DEADLY. Not only that, it's criminally gorgeous to look at, a veritable eyegasm of flapper fashions, sharp suits and art deco awesomeness. The title card alone is enough to make me swoon.

See? Gawjus. *thud*

Steve Buscemi is fantastic as Atlantic City's town treasurer, but Michael Kenneth Williams (as in OMAR! 1920s OMAR, people!) as booze-smuggler Chalky White steals every scene he's in, cutting a savage fucking dash with dapper suits, his class crimson fur-collared coat and brand new swear words that prompt a bemused Nucky Thompson to ask "What does motherfucker mean?"


But that's not to say that the other boys of the boardwalk aren't dressed to kill. On the contrary, in fact. Even the kids are well turned out. Look at this little fecker's amazing boots, like.



Which brings me to the Atlantic City ladies. Sparkly showgirls! Temperence League bags of no-craic! Arty bohemians trapped in lousy relationships! But looking lovely all the same.



Nucky's spoiled brat girlfriend Lucy, a pouty, shouty, nearly always naked pain in the ass played with mouthy relish by Paz de la Huerta will annoy the bejaysus out of you, but she certainly gets one of the better wardrobes. She's a filthy bitch to boot, with a creepy habit of calling men she's riding "Daddy". Weirdsville. Population: Lucy.

Ok, that quote is actually from an episode of the Adam West Batman series that I watched today, but it totally works for this picture.

Watch it. Watch it now.

Raindrops On Roses Notwithstanding

A few of my current favourite things:

Mad Men


I know, I know. I'm so incredibly late to the party that people are making cocktails with Buckfast and someone's fallen asleep in the jacks. The Bear and I are only a handful of episodes into the first series and absolutely loving it. Although I now feel terribly underdressed going anywhere, given the perfectly turned out fifties glamour of Betty and Joan.

Mini Wham Bars


A big yellow bag of these tasty little bad boys is a mere €1.99 in the Spar across the road. Tooth melting deliciousness. I am in so much trouble the next time I go the dentist.

Archer


Slick animation, one liners that'd make you choke on your tea and Jessica Walters from Arrested Development playing almost the exact same character as Lucille Bluth, only filthier. An entire stationery shop doesn't contain the amount of shiny gold stars that this show deserves. Look it up immediately. You can thank me in tiny Wham bars.

Free Vodka


The nice people at Conway Communications were kind enough to send me a bottle of Absolut, as a pretty cut-glass version of the bottle was being launched. And I'm not one to turn down free booze. Not when it fits in my freezer so nicely.

Penguin, Joker, Riddler... and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate!

So the internet is abuzz with the news that Anne Hathaway has been confirmed to play that slinkiest of supervillains, Selina Kyle aka Catwoman, in Christopher Nolan's next Batman film. I would have thought that Hathaway is too lovely and sweet to pull off a mean, sexy character as deadly as Catwoman, but I'm completely willing to be proven wrong. Moreover I'm really looking forward to seeing what the new approach to the Catwoman costume will be. As such, I've had a look at the feline femme fatale's costume style over the years.


Her first appearance was in 1940, in Batman #1, where she was introduced to us as a thief called "The Cat" in a fetching green dress with a stylish blue-black forties hairdo and no costume to speak of. Poor show, Selina. Must try harder.


However, she wasn't long stepping up her game somewhat, appearing in furry cat masks between 1940 and 1942, which was an improvement on the lack of costume front, but didn't exactly bring the sexy. It wasn't until the mid-forties that she really kicked things off with a more revealing mask and an altogether more attractive look in a purple dress and green cape, which she rocked well into the 1950s.


The purple theme made a comeback in the 1990s versions of Catwoman, albeit in a much more skintight way to match her amplified rack.


Catwoman in the 1960s had sashayed her way onto television in the gloriously camp Adam West Batman series. Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Miss America 1955, Lee Meriwether (in the crazy-ass 1966 Batman film) all poured themselves into the shiny black catsuit and kitty ears. In my opinion it's Newmar who steals the sixties Catwoman crown by a long shot, with her cartoon-like tiny waist, low slung belt, spikey eyebrows and general jaw-dropping rideyness.


While Julie and Eartha were purring up a storm onscreen, comic book Catwoman seemed to have borrowed from the TV show, style-wise, as she was now appearing with a long necklace like Julie's and a mask a lot like Eartha's. Although the hugest difference was the choice of green for her skintight catsuit, as apparently green was the colour of choice for sixties comic book villains. I'm not convinced by this weird green getup though, as it makes her look like some kind of slithery lizard girl as opposed to crafty cat burglar.


1969 thankfully saw the end of the green scales shenanigans, with our girl re-emerging in red and black boots with matching eyemask and some manner of leotard with a collar. Ka-pow!


Catwoman has also given grey ensembles a shot here and there in her time, in comic books and as an animated character. While the nineties saw the resurrection of purple in her outfit, Michelle Pfeiffer was kicking Gotham ass in Batman Returns as a hyper-sexy red lipped, leather clad and slightly deranged Selina Kyle.


Of course in 2004, Halle Berry made an absolute balls of Catwoman in an impractical leather bikini mess of an outfit, although to be fair, the ripped trousers were a nice touch. And I'm pretty sure the movie is hilarious when you're drunk.


Currently, comic book Catwoman is tearing up Gotham with a shiny black crop of hair and an even shinier black catsuit. This most recent look seems rather influenced by the movie versions, although she's now working a pair of cat-eye goggles rather than a mask. I'm guessing Christopher Nolan's take on her costume will most likely be black in colour, but I can't wait to see what happens next with Anne Hathaway stepping into the bad ass pussycat's sexy boots.