Also, I've had to set up a new Facebook page for the blog, as I've been locked out of the account I had been using, due to my name not actually being Kitty Catastrophe in real life. Boo. So if you wouldn't mind liking this one, I'd appreciate it muchly!
Before we begin, I just want to point out how Catwoman looks in the cartoon titles of the show:
i.e. AMAZING. Look at that collar! The scowl! The mask! Love it. However, it's nothing like she looks in the show, so I do wonder if they just threw her into this title sequence well before figuring out how they were actually going to approach the character, considering it takes eighteen episodes before she turns up. Interestingly, it's actually not unlike how Catwoman currently looks in the DC comics universe. In any case, onto the episode in question!
We begin in the Gotham City museum, with a security guard patrolling in front of a golden cat statue. He hears a miaowing sound, and when he asks "What's that?", the reply is the business end of a whip, cracking the gun out of his hand, followed by a cat that's definitely just been thrown at his face by someone offscreen.
Our first glimpse of Catwoman is a gloved hand with claws so sharp they can slice open the glass cabinet containing the cat statue before reaching in and stealing it, because girlfriend is on-brand and don't you forget it.
In the next scene, Commissioner Gordon receives a kitten in the post, with a clue tied to its collar, leading him to believe that Catwoman, or The Catwoman, as they keep calling her in this episode, is after the fortune of the owner of the cat statue.
Cut to Wayne Manor, where Bruce is schooling his young ward Dick Grayson in the ways of chess. Four-tier chess to be precise. I have no idea why.
"It's actually quite rudimentary, Dick. You just have to think fourteen moves ahead." Helpful.
Commissioner Gordon summons Batman and Robin to his office, where he fills them in on Catwoman's plans, in which she's going to steal a matching golden cat statue from the Gotham Exposition. Before speeding away in the Batmobile to put a plan into action, Batman delivers a quick lecture on road safety to Robin, who hasn't fastened his Bat-Safety Belt. Bat-safety first, kids.
|Also, the Bat-Safety Belts are pink! PINK! Stick that in your dour gritty remake FACE, Christopher Nolan!|
Batman and Robin arrive back to the Batcave, where they use the atomic reactor to charge up the Batmobile. Robin could use a bat-safety lecture here too though, as the big pipe he's plugged into the back of the car is leaking that shit everywhere.
|Holy radiation poisoning, Batman!|
Batman does a spot of chemistry with the beakers and tubes that appear to be constantly bubbling and giving off smoke in the Batcave, while wearing a pair of gloves OVER HIS GLOVES. BECAUSE OF COURSE.
He's preparing a radiation spray that they're going to coat the second cat statue with in order to track it. Who needs a regular old tracking device when you've got all this spare radiation lying around?
Batman and the Boy Wonder head to the Exposition, conscientiously insisting that they pay for their tickets "just like any other citizen" and lie in wait for Catwoman. After spraying the statue with the radiation-spray, of course. When Batman leaves Robin alone with the statue to check the exits ("I'll be back in three minutes and twenty seconds"), Catwoman strikes via the medium of another leaping cat, which again looks like someone has thrown it, knocking Robin unconscious because it was a POISONED CAT.
|Let's just take a moment to appreciate Julie Newmar's face in that cat-mask.|
Luckily, Batman has Universal Antidote Pills in his utility belt, so he revives Robin and they set off to track the statue from the Batmobile's Batometer.
Back in her lair, Catwoman is putting a plan in place for Batman and Robin's arrival, as she's expecting them to follow her and the statue to the factory. She then dismisses her ludicrous henchmen, swiftly followed by:
"Oh and Felix? You can brush my pussy willows before you leave."
WAT. I don't think anyone but Julie Newmar could deliver that line.
|Check out that sweet cat-phone!|
The Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder arrive at the Gato and Chat Fur Company, opening the door with the Bat-beam, in case it's booby-trapped. It was, and a bit of it explodes when opened.
Robin: "Right again Batman, we could have been killed!
Batman: "Or worse."
When they step inside, Catwoman informs them via intercom that she's got a wonderful evening planned for them and a trapdoor opens under their feet. Textbook villainy. The Dynamic Duo (there are so many different names for these guys) find themselves in a room with rapidly closing spiked walls, while Catwoman taunts them as she watches on a television screen.
Gasp! Bat-gasp! But wait! The spikes are made of rubber and Catwoman was just fucking with them! Oh that tricksy kitty. She then sends a big Hunger Games tube down from the ceiling around Robin and steals him away from Batman. "You feline devil!" Catwoman then reveals two doors for Batman to choose from. She's behind one, but the other will release "a ferocious Batman-eating tiger".
Batman thinks for a moment, and presses a button to open his chosen door. But UH OH! IT'S TIGER TIME. Will Batman survive a tiger? What will happen to Robin? So many questions!
SAME CAT TIME, SAME CAT CHANNEL. YASS QUEEN.