Thursday, December 20, 2012

Meet Ireland's Womb Patrol

Now that the Government has finally decided to, y'know, not let women die and actually legislate for the X Case already - a step in the right direction, but still a very very small one - the anti-choicers are clutching their pearls, Photoshopping festive hats onto ultrasound scans and incorrectly using semi-colons with wanton abandon.

There's also an anti-choice ad doing the rounds online as a reaction to the Government getting the hell on with things that were meant to happen twenty fucking years ago. It turns out to be something of an endurance test as I only lasted forty seconds the first time I tried to watch it, having been scared off by the appearance of John Waters and his unwavering concern for my uterus. It's actually impossible to watch it and not burst out laughing, especially when Bernadette Smyth makes her appearance.


Oh Bernadette. With this giant furry hat you are really spoiling us. Also, YOU'RE INDOORS. YOU DO NOT REQUIRE A FLUFFY HAT. Perhaps the flowery wallpaper has tricked her into thinking she's in a meadow and maybe that's why she sounds like she's about to start crying.

The video progresses like the grimmest game of Guess Who you've ever played in your life, with Kathy Sinnott, David Quinn and Caroline Simons popping up one after the other and lying their asses off.



I'm not sure if there's a single truthful sentence in the entire thing. Here are some of the highlights:


Firstly, we have Kathy Sinnott wringing her hands while inexplicably standing in a manky, muddy field, without a coat or even a scarf on. You'd think Bernadette would at least give her a loan of her hat. According to Kathy:

"Referendum after referendum has demonstrated the pro-life position of the Irish people."

Er, no actually. Referendum after referendum has seen the Irish people support legislation for abortion in cases where the mother's life is at risk. You know, like reasonable people who don't hate women.


Caroline Simons then chimes in with some alarming meteorological news.

"In recent times, there has literally been a tsunami hitting Ireland."

HOLD THE PHONE. THERE'S BEEN A TSUNAMI, A LITERAL TSUNAMI AND NONE OF US NOTICED. DAMMIT JEAN BYRNE, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN US?


But it's ok! Here's John Waters to explain everything!

"A tsunami of a culture of death." 

Oh. I see. Although surely a "culture of death" is one where we let mothers die, instead of allowing them a life saving medical procedure, but hey whatever.

The Caroline and John double act also give us this:

Caroline: "Savita Halappanavar, who died of septicaemia following a miscarraige."

Immediately followed by:  

John: "We won't know exactly what happened to Savita, until we hear from the the various inquiries."

Hey John, just ask Caroline! It seems like she knows all about it. She must have been in the room at the time with Savita and Praveen and no one noticed.


Next up, it's aspiring rapper Ide Nic Mhathuna, or Ide Nic Mhathunaz as she's known on the hip-hop circuit. There's not one, but two typos in her little caption, as Youth Defence is spelled the American way instead of the way it's spelled on their own goddamn website.


We also have Patrick McCrystal running away with the trophy for Creepiest Man IN THE WORLD. (As well as abortions, he also hates vaccines, contraception and gay people. Sound.) I realise that his expression in that screenshot is a bit unsettling, but no matter how hard I tried to find one, there literally wasn't a moment where he didn't look like he was seconds away from a strangle-wank. Just try to listen to how he says "perfect storm" without shuddering. He also provides us with the best line of the video:

"This battle can only be won if we are on our knees."


It's like the worst house party ever. And Kathy Sinnott standing in a field in Cork.

30 comments :

  1. i snorted at strangle wank! i cant bring myself to watch those videos at all

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    1. The intolerance between pro x and pro y needs to stop. Everyone should be working toward keeping everybody safe and in this case both mothers and their babies. All these comments dont mean a thing if you would step over a mother when shes homeless on the street. You are not fighting for womens choice or babies lives. Everyone here is fighting for themselves.

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  2. If pro life = anti choice.. Then can i call u anti life?? Or is there gonna be double standards here.

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    1. Erm no as we think women have a right to LIFE. Pro life is anti choice of women, duh!

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    2. You already call us that. And you are wrong because choice means you are free not to have an abortion too.

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    3. 'Pro-life' always makes me wonder, 'pro whose life?'

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  3. "Anti-life"? It's not as if people who are pro-choice go around killing everything alive just for thrill of it. Silly anon.

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    1. My point was that it is stupid to call them anti life just like its stupid to call the others anti choice. You are trying real hard to attach a little negativity to the idea of babys being important. This blogger has written all about how important women are but never mentions babies.

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    2. That is because medically, that which you call a 'baby' is an embryo before the 11th week, after which it is called a 'foetus'. But then, 'foetus' does not have the same emotional impact as 'baby', now does it? After all, 'killing babies' sounds horrendous, and it would be were people actually killing infants. But removing an unwanted embryo or a foetus sounds like a boring old procedure about which not many would give a frack.

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  4. Funniest thing I've read in ages. The desperation is really starting to show properly now with the old pro "life" side, I'd almost feel sorry for them if they weren't (mostly) a shower of dicks (the collective term).

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  5. Hateful groups who spread lies like these ones deserve to be ridiculed! Theres a strong whiff of desperation from them too!

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  6. Great piece, the anti-choicers are increasingly hard to take seriously!

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  7. You actually listened to what they said. Very much respect for that, I tuned out once it was obvious they were swinging into their old favourites of "Safest Place To Have A Baby" and "Babby, Oh Ma Won't You Look At The Babby"

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  8. I find it really entertaining that a pro lifer has commented on your blog to tell you that your opinion is wrong... its like they are denying you a choice of opinion too! imagine that!

    i agree with previous commenters.. stench of desperation

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  9. Thanks guys! It is total desperation, they're losing this battle and they know it. Hooray!

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  10. Bwahahah! The background music is fantastic. It goes well with the muddy field and the very dark study room.

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  11. It is a desperate time. Because you shut your mind to the idea of an unborn baby having a right to protection. You try to justify your argument by saying the mother should have the right to life. Nobody thinks a mother should die. They both have equal right to life. I don't follow any pro or anti groups. I just think life is special. Legislation is needed for the most extreme situations. Im not saying it isn't. But the way you slate the people with different opinions to the ones you prescribe here. Its just nasty.

    To conclude, life is imporant and every man, woman, child and unborn child is an equal member of the human race. If in extreme circumstances the child and mother are both at risk. We shouldn't kill one to save the other. Its way more complicated than "just save the mother".

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    1. I think it's totally ok to slate someone who is openly anti-women and homophobic. I think it's totally ok to slate someone who says they're pro-life but refuses to support pregnant women and the children that they insist should be born. These are the children who need protection, the unwanted children born into poverty, not the unborn child.

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  12. Wait? You guys spell defense with a C? Damn commies! :P

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  13. Kitty, reading this reminds me why I disabled anonymous comments. That and the spam :) Great read, really entertaining. I don't know how anyone can defend these antivaccer, anti-gay, anti women groups.

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    1. Thanks Geoff! I think I will actually disable them for now, good idea.

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  14. Now you're just trollin' :)

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  15. Hilarious! Thanks you, you've made my Friday! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

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  16. Strangle wank!

    Is it a beaver hat, is that why?

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  17. 40% of pregnant women in america terminate their babies. Either its super dangerous for women to have babies or the world has gone insane.

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  18. Oh dear, I'm not too sure if I'll sleep tonight especially now that I've seen and heard Patrick McCrystal. CREEP! Amazing work Kitty!

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  19. I think we need to legislate to protect pregnant women from a repeat situation of the Halapannavar case, however, doing this is also likely to open the door to completely legalising abortion.

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  20. Sorry, I couldn't concentrate on the video; I was staring at all those full stops where commas should be in the captions.

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