Thursday, December 08, 2011

Snow White Smackdown

As Hollywood is wont to do from time to time, two more than similar films are coming out quite close to each other next summer. We've had Armageddon vs Deep Impact battle for Asteroid Film Of The Year, Friends With Benefits vs No Strings Attached tussle for Friends-Who-Ride-Each-Other Film Of The Year and soon we'll have Mirror Mirror vs Snow White and the Huntsman bate the heads off each other for Snow White Film Of The Year. On one had, Mirror Mirror features Lily Collins (daughter of Phil!) and Julia Roberts as the princess and the evil Queen, while Kristen "I'm delighted to be a highly paid actress, no really I am" Stewart and Charlize Theron are squaring off and throwing dirty looks at them as their respective rivals.

Each film has a very different feel, Mirror Mirror is decidedly lighter, fluffier, funnier and Nathan Lane-ier, whereas Snow White and the Huntsman is an altogether darker, grittier and really rather deadly looking take on the story.

Lily's Snow White probably looks more like what you'd expected from a classic princess story, but Sourpuss Stewart definitely has the look of a girl who's about to do some damage rather than burst into song.

Sorry Julia, your red peacock ballgown loses out to Charlize's pointy black getup. Not least because she looks like she'd stab you in the face just for the craic.

In the Evil Queen category, Julia Roberts is playing her as a neurotic, insecure diva, which is all well and good, but to be fair Charlize Theron wipes the floor with her as a malevolent, properly wicked and scary witchy woman. She's eating someone's soul right out of their FACE in the trailer for flip's sake! No contest!

In the Obligatory Handsome Bastard corner, we have Armie Hammer with the big Disney prince head on him playing...twist!...the prince. The handsome bastard of Snow White and the Huntsman is none other than the Hunstsman himself, played by Kim from Home & Away. Or, y'know, Thor.

I have to say, I really like the look of both of these films. Snow White and the Huntsman looks great because of the big medieval style battles, the armour, the injection of darkness into a previously sweetened fairytale and the fact that Charlize's Evil Queen looks like she's going to be an utter DELIGHT to watch, what with the soul eating and milk bathing and general sultry divilment.

Whereas Mirror Mirror looks great because of the GIANT ASS DRESSES, the Nathan Lane comic relief and the fact that it's all so shiny and fun looking. It's also got Sean Bean in it as the king, which means he's probably going to die at some point, because it's Sean Bean and that's what he does in EVERYTHING. Seriously. Just watch THIS if you don't believe me. You just try to name something that he doesn't die in and I'll call you a damn liar.


  1. You done write funny things. Hilarious. :)

    I basically think exactly the same BUT I can't help but say that I probably won't go see SW&TH simply because Kristen Stewart is in it and I plain refuse to watch her miserable face on screen because she's one of those people you want to slap and say "CHEER THE F UP!!!". Also, is it just me or is Charlize's accent in the trailer a lot like the accent she did for Rita (Mr F) in Arrested Development?

    Also: In case you haven't seen it... THIS:

  2. Now that you mention it, she DOES sound a bit Rita-ish in the trailer (*sings* For British eyes only!). I know exactly what you mean about Stewart and her infuriating face but I do think Charlize will be brilliant enough to convince me to put up with it. I hope so anyway, because it does look kinda class. And that YouTube clip is GOLD.

  3. But holy crap he dies in a lot of things! I had no idea.

  4. I'm pretty sure I'll watch both, but I'm more looking forward to the Charlize one as it looks far more kiss ass, and I kinda tune out to Stewart, she isn't that bad really.

  5. He usually betrays his friends before he dies, too.


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