Thursday, June 23, 2011

Tanora No More-a

Things are afoot in the Irish soft drinks industry. Very bad things. Club Orange's dopey boobfest ad has outraged and irritated everyone with at least the smallest ounce of cop on, but there's much more sinister developments that have gotten underway. It began as a rumour. Rumblings of recipe changes. Worries aired on Twitter that something wasn't quite right. However, the worst has indeed happened.

TANORA HAVE CHANGED THEIR RECIPE AND RUINED IT FOREVER.

I've previously extolled the virtues of Tanora and the very special association it has with Christmas for everyone in my family back home in Waterford. However, due to pernickety EU regulations and some top class fuckwittery, they've removed the artificial colouring that gave it it's tangerine power, rendering it useless and manky and reportedly no longer tasting like happiness, Yuletide or otherwise. I say reportedly as I haven't tasted it myself (nor do I have any intention to) but I do have it on good authority from cousins who know what they're talking about. Cousins who have since developed a thousand yard stare at the mere mention of new Tanora. One of them gravely warned me not to drink the new concoction as it will (and I QUOTE): "ruin Christmas for you". Those are not words to be taken lightly, people. Not one little bit.

Not content with having decimated the drink itself, they've also gone and fucked with the packaging, making it look like some nasty brand of Irn Bru from the eighties. The only good thing about the new label is that it distinguishes the classic delicious drink from the new muck.

The new one is on the left by the way, in case you're not familiar. And now you never will be. Waaah! Also, the old bottle shown here was swiftly added to the trolley seconds after this picture was taken. Obviously.

Members of my family are stalking the aisles of supermarkets across the county and buying up any stray remaining bottles of REAL Tanora in desperation. My mother currently has seven two-litre bottles of it stashed away at home for Christmas (seriously), seeing as it'll be the last artificially tangerine-flavoured one we will ever have.

My aunt actually rang them to complain. Furious Facebook users have descended on the Tanora fan page, reporting that the standard response to their complaints is:

"Tanora - Cork’s favourite Tangerine-flavoured sparkling drink – has recently been enhanced to make it 100% natural. As part of this, an artificial colouring has been replaced by a natural variant."

Yeah, if by "enhanced" you mean "pooed in". BASTARDS.

So. To summarise:



Not cool, guys. Not cool AT ALL.

6 comments :

  1. Meanwhile, Cork is pretty close to self combusting...

    That packaging is RANK.

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  2. Packaging is rank! TASTE IS WORSE!
    My family DEVOURS the stuff, given that we've two parents from Cork, it was pretty much a given that we were going to love the stuff. But we bought ONE bottle of the new stuff, each tasted a glass of it, and then the rest of it was abandoned to go flat and eventually be thrown out.

    No, seriously, it's gross! Put the artificial stuff back in!!

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  3. @ Sarah - It's only a matter of time until there's rioting on Patrick Street.

    @ Aislinn - I'm too scared to try the new version, I'd rather remember it as it was! Those monsters.

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  4. I have never heard of this drink LOL

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  5. this is a TRAVESTY!!

    I'm hoping my local deli at home in Cork doesn't sell out of it's trusty stash of cans - i'll be stocking up!!

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  6. WHAT???!!! Tanora and Southern Comfort is my guilty pleasure

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Maybe.

 
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