Sunday, November 29, 2009

He's Going To Be A Time Traveller

I think we can all agree (since I'm assuming that everyone watched the Late Late Toy Show. You all did, right?) that the absolute highlight of the entire show, the one who rose above all the overacheiving Billy Barry Brats, the precocious posh kids, the weird culchie child and even outshone the appearance of John and Edward, (despite one of them splitting their pants and saying "oh shit" on live national telly on the biggest kids TV event of the year) was the fantastically articulate, the amazing...John Joe.

The tweed suit, the eccentric mannerisms, the love of clocks...I had never even heard of horology until John Joe and he completely stole the show. Right this minute I'm watching the repeat to catch him again. Especially the part where the conversation moved on to Harry Potter and deadly little John Joe was too immersed in examining a clock that needs fixing to care what else might be going on.



Awesome.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Letter of Complaint

Dear Fuckface ( aka People I Work For)

Oh, I'm ever so sorry, you see when I took on this job with the assurance that I would be paid the same, if not more (Wow! How fortune has favoured me! Thought I.) as my last job, which was in an actual design studio with nice colourful mugs and work I quite enjoyed doing, I foolishly thought that this would in fact, be the case. I mean I really should have realised that what you actually meant was "we're paying you less than that, we thought you knew though, so either take it or go fuck yourself".

I can also see now that it's really an inspired money saving technique to equip the design studio with computers that were bought back when the Ketchup Song was in the charts and Nickelback just had their first big hit, which would make them SEVEN YEARS old, oh and the software hasn't been updated in three or four years you say? Fantastic! That's just the kind of challenge I so look forward to, nothing makes me happier than a computer that's so slow it makes me want to peel off my eyelids, or a printer that spits out pages with the artwork going sideways for no good reason, not to mention when my computer randomly dies or takes ten minutes to open a bigger-than-average file in Photoshop, that kind of thing just makes me feel so alive, y'know?

Just as a suggestion, you might want to give new employees this handy guide on their first day in their shiny new job, explaining what certain phrases or instructions really mean.

We say:
We want to give this product a new look, move away from the old identity.

We mean:

Make it look the same as the old one, but more obnoxious and garish.

We say:
Yeah, that looks great now.

We mean:
I'll be back in half an hour to get you to change everything while I stand over your shoulder and instruct you to move and resize things in a manner that will make you want to unzip your boot and beat me around the head with it.

We say:
You'll be getting a pay review in four months.

We mean:
You'll be getting a pay review in six months.

We say:
Next time, make sure you get a full brief from us.

We mean:
Next time, don't bother trying to make it look well designed and thought out, just make everything bright red and twice the size it should be. Like how a flyer would look if it was shouting in your face, knocking things over and banging cymbals together. Visually, like.

Thank fuck the Toy Show is on tonight.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Last Station



I just saw this trailer on t'internet and the love interest, Kerry Condon is from my neck of the woods. She was a year above me in school, and knows the sister. Cool. You might also recognise her as the waitress Colin Farrell punches in the opening scene of 'Intermission'.

Is It Just Me...

But this has been bugging me for a while now, this 'divide' between people in a relationship and those who are young free and single. I think it’s safe to say the birth of the divide was Bridget Jones, whose fumbling through life as a single woman in London made us all smile and cheer and proclaim ‘finally’ it’s ok to be single! This has been said before a million times but she really did say what we were all thinking and even though I was only in school when the book came out first, my insecurities were pretty much the same as hers. Fear of looking like an ejit of never having a boyfriend of not being liked by my peers and in constant battle with the bulge. She really was our heroine. But wait hang on a minute didn’t Bridget get the guy in the end? So by process of elimination, wasn’t she now on the other side? Wasn't she now part of a smug couple? Of course not sure they broke up in the second book and all her insecurities came flooding back. Phew! She’s still our heroine! Singles one couples nil.

I was reading ‘U’ magazine last night and there is an article in it about this very topic but I got the feeling that the girl who wrote it is single, she was trying to see things from both sides but to me it didn’t come across like that. And you know that’s fine whatever floats your boat. But since when did it become a bad thing to be in a relationship. Where in between the publication of ‘Bridget Jones’ and the article in this month’s ‘U’ did you become smug having a partner? I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 7 plus years and I’m very happy, I don’t think I’m smug and I don’t see why I have to feel that it’s almost wrong as a modern women to have a boyfriend and the fact that I want to settle down before I’m thirty is in someway dragging women back to pre suffragette times. I really don’t get it. What exactly is wrong with having a boyfriend and being happy about it? Isn’t it better off now that we can have the career and the independence and be in love at the same time. Or is that just asking for too much. Can we really have it all? (Oh how very Carrie of me)

Now don’t get me wrong I know a few couples myself who might seem smug about their relationship to those on the outside. I know of one girl who feels the need to ring her boyfriend during a night out to tell him how it’s going? Now from a single girls point of view seeing her do that would probably annoy the hell out of you and you might think why does she have to ring him Jesus can she spend one night out without him. But then I can see it from her point of view in that she probably just wants to hear his voice and share her good night out with him I don’t think she does it to show all her single friends that she has a boyfriend in fact I’m sure of it. I wouldn’t do it but she does so just get over it.

Another thing in the article was these 5 points about why you’re better off being single or in a relationship. Apparently when your single you don’t have to feel guilty about spending your grocery shopping in BT’s and that you don’t have to worry about not cleaning up after yourself. You don’t have to worry about not cleaning up after yourself? For fucks sake in any house whether you’re living with your partner living with your mates or living at home. I would hope if you were a dirty bitch someone would tell you to clean the table or wash your dishes anyway, right?

The other myth that annoys me is that married people have also in someway dumbed down after marrying. For example in the article the reporter was going to interview someone for another article, a man, and was looking forward to it. When she told her married friend about her excitement her married friend proclaimed ‘but he’s married!’ So all women in relationships think that single women are predators? And that we should watch our men when they are around? Sure God love them it’s not their fault they swayed when a woman flings herself at him why wouldn’t he? Grr.

Anyway I just wanted to say that having a boyfriend does not a bad modern independent woman make. I have dreams and I want my career to take off and my dreams include wanting to marry my fella and have his babies and build a house. So why does that make me smug? I dont look down on any of my single friends why would I what's the point!
Rant Over

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Michael Caine Vs Horrible Skangers


Last night, the Bear and I decided on an impromptu cinema date, "sure we'll just show up and see what's starting around then" said I. Staring up at Cineworld's film listings, nothing was jumping out at us. 2012? No interest in seeing it. Jennifer's Body? I'm curious alright but not enough to risk a tenner. An Education? Bleh. Harry Brown? What's that? I don't believe I've heard of that one. A quick scan through the synopsis sorted it. We were both sold at the very mention of the word "vigilante". Sure who doesn't love a good vigilante, ass whooping, revenge movie? Taken, Payback, Death Wish, ALL SAVAGE.

This one is too, it's a bit like Gran Torino with a Landaaan accent and it's deadly. Everyone loves Michael Caine sure!

WINNER. SEE IT.

***

On a completely unrelated note, myself and Lady Tcup are reviewing that pinnacle of televisual reality, I'm A Celebrity Give Me A Job, over on Culch.ie

Do drop by!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Valley Girls

So it appears that one Diablo Cody is set to make a Sweet Valley High movie. Internet folk seem to be divided in opinion that this will either be amazing and clever and a 1980s-set Clueless, or that it's going to be a complete disaster and travesty, quoting the fact that Jennifer's Body made all of $40 (give or take) Stateside as a reason. I for one am in the excited-and-think-it-could-be-awesome camp. I haven't seen Jennifer's Body, but I've read the woeful reviews it's gotten and reckon I'll give it a shot when it's out on DVD. Or download, if I'm to be honest. And I am, see? It might even be a pleasant surprise since terrible reviews tend to remove any expectations you have for a film so that if it makes you laugh even once you'll think, "Hey that was pretty good, actually!". Such was the case for me with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull anyway. Despite Shia LaFuckface.


I really like Diablo Cody's writing style, I loved Juno (like everyone else in the world, pretty much) and her book Candy Girl, about her year spent as a stripper. So all this coupled with Sweet Valley High? Yes muthafuckin' please!

Growing up, I loved the Sweet Valley Twins series, and graduated to the High School books at the wise old age of whatever I was in 6th class or thereabouts. Ah, Jessica and Elizabeth, the supermodel-hot twins with eyes the colour of the Pacific ocean. Every time, the books would start with lengthy descriptions of the girls and their "long tanned legs", "peaches and cream complexions" and always with the eyes the colour of the flipping Pacific ocean, Alright, they're sexy, we get it! And Lila Fowler, remember her? What a bitch!

Just look at the big delicious Eighties heads on them.
I think someone needs to tell Jessica that Bill is more likely to break
HER heart when he reveals that he prefers to have sex with men.

Fantastic story lines though. The first great one that comes to mind is one that ran for a couple of books about some mentalist called Margo who just so happened to look EXACTLY like the twins, and had a nefarious scheme to KILL ELIZABETH AND REPLACE HER! The diabolical bint! Thrilling stuff it was. And perfectly realistic too. After a quick Googling it turns out that this was far from the only outlandish plot line in the series, oh no. There were elements such as:

* The twins battling a werewolf in London. Could happen.

* Jessica falling in love with a vampire. My, how very Twilight!

* The twins and friends being chased by escaped criminals in Death Valley.

* A former classmate of their mother Alice's luring them to a beauty spa with the intention of stealing Alice's face via a face transplant. WOW! I did NOT come across this one in the local library at the time. I'll bet it was before Face/Off and everything.

* Elizabeth receiving at least three marriage proposals before age 20.

* Jessica having at least five boyfriends who died in the series. She must be riddled. Get checked out, woman!

Christ, Jessica is at it again. The question here really isn't
"Is Jessica as grown up as she thinks she is?",
more like "Is her Freddie Mercury tache-sporting boyfriend
as straight as she thinks he is?"
Answer: No.

So there it is. Any one of those story lines could instantly make a movie. And it appears that some already have, albeit with different characters and settings and whatnot. So bring it on Miss Cody, I think it could be great.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Flag Fever

You may realise that I tend to plug a certain band called The Dead Flags here quite a bit. And look! Uh oh! She's at it again! In fairness though, their new single "Anymore" has thus far been played by Alison Curtis, Larry Gogan and even the DJ of all DJs, the one and only Tony Fentony himself. Impressive, no? So I suggest that all you lovely sexy people do the following...

Watch the video!



Download the single!

(In here!)

Feel bad for this sad little kitten for having a smushed up face!



I strongly recommend the first two, the third is up to you but you'd have to be pretty heartless not to. But hey! Heartless fans are fans nonetheless so help out a deadly band of proper daycent lads and get this song stuck in your head.

Your brain will thank you for it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Not So Slinky Cat

Oh mo Dhia. What have I gone and done? Signed up for the Agent Lynch Burlesque workshop on the 21st, the day of the next Burlesque Ball, is what. At the Halloween Rocky Horror Show in the Sugar Club, the Bear and I were watching the supafine Miss Dotty Potts do her thing and I drunkenly thought aloud "I'd love to give that a go". And so the Bear convinced me to attend the very workshop I have now committed to. (That's right Bear, I'm blaming you.) Whilst reading up on the foxy lady in charge, I came upon the dress code:

Wear your most sparkly dancing heels, your slinkiest dress or skirt and the best pout and raised eyebrow you can muster!

Oh Jesus.

I own two pairs of heels, neither of which are remotely sparkly.

I don't believe I have a slinky dress. Also, slinky? I don't so much slink as I stumble into things. I'm doing well to get through a doorway without bumping into the frame.

I don't pout and I can't raise one eyebrow, despite my best attempts. I've always been ferociously jealous of anyone who can. (I made the mistake of telling this to a group of the Bear's mates one night, ALL of whom instantly raised one smug eyebrow at me. Bastards.)

Agent Lynch. On some sort of mission or other, presumably.

So I have no idea what to wear, what to expect, and a sneaking suspicion that I may very well trip over and land on my non eyebrow-raising face in the middle of the Goldfinger burlesque routine that we'll be taught.

But despite all that, I'm looking forward to it in a nervous kind of way. I've been utterly in love with the idea of burlesque for years now and just can't get enough of it, so hopefully if it all goes well I'll love it even more. Or I'll be a total disaster but still appreciate and swoon over it from the sidelines.

By the way, anyone else going? It'd be nice and a little less terrifying to know someone there!

Eep.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Up For Grabs



Intimate, an exceptional collection of artwork created by world renowned British photographer, Terry O’Neill.

The exhibition will be devoted to O’Neill’s incredible archive of film stars, musicians and sports personalities. Each with their own singular distinctive style, O’Neill’s artwork captures celebrities in a setting never seen before, taking the audience Behind The Scenes.

It's on tuesday the 24th of November in the Kildare Village
If any one wants it let me know!!! you can bring a friend!

All you needed to know about...

Underwear!!



Interesting underwear facts:
*Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.

*40% prefer Briefs, 25% prefer Boxer Briefs, 18% prefer Boxers, 10% prefer Boxers and 5% prefer thongs. come again, thongs??

*In 1935, the first men's briefs appeared. They had a Y-shaped front and overlapping fly. They were originally termed 'jockeys' because they offered a similar amount of support as jock straps.

*In 1925, Jacob Golomb, founder of Everlast, designed elastic-waist trunks to replace the leather-belted trunks then worn by boxers. They became known as 'boxer trunks' and were the original prototype for the modern men's boxers. eww sweaty leather!

*During the 1930s, companies began selling buttonless drawers fitted with an elastic waistband, which were the first true boxer shorts. The name is derived from the shorts worn by professional fighters.

*The loincloth is both the simplest and the most popular form of underwear. It was probably the first undergarment worn by human beings. eh? Do they sell loinclothes in BT's ?


who knew!

These facts also coincide with Brown Thomas running a Calvin Klein Men’s Underwear Promotion, The Ultimate Package, from today until Sunday 22nd November. Receive a complimentary pair when you purchase two pairs from the Calvin Klein men’s underwear collection in Brown Thomas and BT2 Grafton Street.

Free Vodka?


Absolutly... see what i did there?

Did the title get your attention? It's not everyday you get offered a free bottle of vodka let alone a really cool ABSOLUT bottle this is what happen to me last week.

Rachel Garvey Conway Communications Hi there. We do some work with ABSOLUT and they want to send you a little something along with an invite to a very cool upcoming party….

Red Lemonade What will you be sending us? It's just we're both at work so i'm wondering if the 'little something' will fit through are letter box at our house?

RG It’s the new limited edition ABSOLUT ROCK EDITION vodka so it is a bottle.

RL That's cool can it be delivered today before twelve if possible!?

RG Apologies, I spent all of yesterday in meetings so didn’t get your message until last night. I could send it out to you today if you are available, or Monday if that suits better?

RL Hey rachel we keep missing eachother! Yea monday is fine i won't be in the office myself but there'll be someone there to get it. Thanks again!

RG The courier will drop it to the office shortly.

RL received that bottle thanks rachel!!!


So a big thanks to Rachel and ABSOLUT for the bottle and the invite to the swanky party that was held in The Sugar Club. Which I have to say is a really cool venue.

Anyhu anyone else want to send me free drink feel free!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Offset 2009

Last weekend myself and my two friends Mazatron and N.dazzler heading to the inaugural Offset. What can I saw it was brilliant really well organised and plenty of big named speakers there to give the show a well deserved ovation.

The best of the best would have to be Massimo Vignelli and Harry Pearce of Pentagram on Saturday afternoon. I had never heard either speak before so I would of assumed that they were both corporate men, bit like 'Mad Men', as when you see them first they really do have this presence that for want of a better word overwhelms you however approachable.

Vignelli went from 1955 right up to present day showing all their designs from spoons to churches! He made the best comment about marketeers pretty much not knowing what they're talking about and that got an impromptu round of applause. He has a lovely smile and his basic message was don't follow trends and how one uses light is the key as it's the master of all. He said an Architect should be able to design from a spoon to a city. Which I liked. He was also responsible for the design of New York subway signage including the map. I have a bit of a thing for the London underground and I was aware that most of other Undergrounds are based on London's so seeing Vignelli's subway map made me swoon!
His partner/wife Leila also gave a talk on her work her jewellery is beautiful I can see where newbridge are getting their ideas!


Vignelli

Harry Pearce was just lovely really lovely. He came on stage a bit dishevelled looking dressed all in black with a pair of trainers He began by talking about 'LipaPearce' his own company with his friend Dominic Lippa right up to their work in Pentagram. He showed us that as a designer you should break everything down to it's simplest forms and that it's all about the message and the idea. He was great friends with Alan Fletcher and you can see that he misses the genius a lot. I think that he is most proud of his work for charity. His poster for 'Burma' was used as a symbol of Burma's plight throughout all the protests and was seen on news channels through the world.


Harry pearce

Anything I say here does not do justice to the weekend. There was so many other designers there that just made me fall in love all over again with my craft, as to be honest I was feeling a wee bit meh about it. I'm back at work now knowing I prob will have to wait a while before I can stop 'designing' pregnancy forms and start changing the world but I know I can, which is a start. I'm about to tip over I'm just full of Ideas!

Some other people giving talks that I enjoyed were David Shrigley, SHOWstudio.com, Oliver Jeffreys, Studio AAD, Experimental Jetset, Anthony Burell.

Oh I also learned that 'Helvetica' is the man!
 
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