Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Is It Just Me...

But this has been bugging me for a while now, this 'divide' between people in a relationship and those who are young free and single. I think it’s safe to say the birth of the divide was Bridget Jones, whose fumbling through life as a single woman in London made us all smile and cheer and proclaim ‘finally’ it’s ok to be single! This has been said before a million times but she really did say what we were all thinking and even though I was only in school when the book came out first, my insecurities were pretty much the same as hers. Fear of looking like an ejit of never having a boyfriend of not being liked by my peers and in constant battle with the bulge. She really was our heroine. But wait hang on a minute didn’t Bridget get the guy in the end? So by process of elimination, wasn’t she now on the other side? Wasn't she now part of a smug couple? Of course not sure they broke up in the second book and all her insecurities came flooding back. Phew! She’s still our heroine! Singles one couples nil.

I was reading ‘U’ magazine last night and there is an article in it about this very topic but I got the feeling that the girl who wrote it is single, she was trying to see things from both sides but to me it didn’t come across like that. And you know that’s fine whatever floats your boat. But since when did it become a bad thing to be in a relationship. Where in between the publication of ‘Bridget Jones’ and the article in this month’s ‘U’ did you become smug having a partner? I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 7 plus years and I’m very happy, I don’t think I’m smug and I don’t see why I have to feel that it’s almost wrong as a modern women to have a boyfriend and the fact that I want to settle down before I’m thirty is in someway dragging women back to pre suffragette times. I really don’t get it. What exactly is wrong with having a boyfriend and being happy about it? Isn’t it better off now that we can have the career and the independence and be in love at the same time. Or is that just asking for too much. Can we really have it all? (Oh how very Carrie of me)

Now don’t get me wrong I know a few couples myself who might seem smug about their relationship to those on the outside. I know of one girl who feels the need to ring her boyfriend during a night out to tell him how it’s going? Now from a single girls point of view seeing her do that would probably annoy the hell out of you and you might think why does she have to ring him Jesus can she spend one night out without him. But then I can see it from her point of view in that she probably just wants to hear his voice and share her good night out with him I don’t think she does it to show all her single friends that she has a boyfriend in fact I’m sure of it. I wouldn’t do it but she does so just get over it.

Another thing in the article was these 5 points about why you’re better off being single or in a relationship. Apparently when your single you don’t have to feel guilty about spending your grocery shopping in BT’s and that you don’t have to worry about not cleaning up after yourself. You don’t have to worry about not cleaning up after yourself? For fucks sake in any house whether you’re living with your partner living with your mates or living at home. I would hope if you were a dirty bitch someone would tell you to clean the table or wash your dishes anyway, right?

The other myth that annoys me is that married people have also in someway dumbed down after marrying. For example in the article the reporter was going to interview someone for another article, a man, and was looking forward to it. When she told her married friend about her excitement her married friend proclaimed ‘but he’s married!’ So all women in relationships think that single women are predators? And that we should watch our men when they are around? Sure God love them it’s not their fault they swayed when a woman flings herself at him why wouldn’t he? Grr.

Anyway I just wanted to say that having a boyfriend does not a bad modern independent woman make. I have dreams and I want my career to take off and my dreams include wanting to marry my fella and have his babies and build a house. So why does that make me smug? I dont look down on any of my single friends why would I what's the point!
Rant Over


  1. Grrr I cannot read such crap as U magazine for these reasons!!

  2. I was in a relationship for six years and used to hate reading articles like that. I was never smug, nor looked down on my single friends.

    However, I'm now looking at it from the other side of the fence. I've been out of that relationship for almost a year now (with a brief casual relationship between that lasted about 4 months), and I have to say while I am enjoying life as a single girl, I do notice that people in couples have a one-up on singles when it comes to a comfort thing. You always have someone to talk to at the end of the day, company on a lazy Sunday in bed, guaranteed kisses at midnight on New Years etc haha. Also, coupled-up friends tend to remind you of your singledom a fair bit, constantly asking - "well, any nice men??" after a night out. That tends to get rather annoying, especially when I don't head out to find a man, especially not in a dingy nightclub.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, in certain situations it is a bit 'them vs us' but maybe not so extreme as the media like to put it.

  3. now why couldn't i have said it like that? Aneelicious.

    The well any nice men question goes to when ye getting married when your loved up then when your married it's when you having a baby. it's a vicious cycle!

    although my friends usually ask 'did you get the shift?'! ;-)

  4. Haha, me and my mates call it "the numbers"; as in you have to send around a text if there's any change to your numbers (of 'the shifts' heh). Childish - yes. Birrofalaugh - definitely :D


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