Up until now, there has been only one person on my list of enemies. That person is Shia La Fuckface. And maybe the people who ring up radio stations and still, after all the years of radio phone-ins don't realise that they have to turn down their own fucking radio before talking on air. Anyway. A new name has been added. This guy.
J...G...Murphy. Come on down, as they say.
Late last Monday night, the Bear was flicking through the channels and landed on PlayTV, TV3's new interactive phone-in quiz show. He was convinced that he had been out drinking with the presenter after the Munster v Leinster match earlier this year and that he was a friend of a friend's brother. Something like that. But as he was trying to figure out if this was indeed the fella in question, we slowly got unavoidably and ridiculously sucked into the question on the board behind him. A question with two possible answers. A question to perplex and confound. A question for the ages...
What is white?
Polar bears! Snow! Salt! White rhinos! Sugar! No, cos you can get brown sugar. Milk? Hmm, Apple Macs?
No, no, no, no, no, no and no again.
Oh JG, you tricksy little riddler you. My favourite caller was Sandra. The conversation went something like this: (bear in mind that snow had been given as an answer at least four times by now, and was still wrong)
JG: Hi, how are ya, what's your name?
JG: Hi Sandra, and what's your-
JG: Sorry, it's Shandra is it?
JG: Right, Sandra. So what's your answer?
JG: Ok, and what's your answer?
Caller: Sandra. Oh, snow.
Christ. Who are these people? It cost her €1.50 to make that call you know and I kinda wish she was taking the piss but unfortunately I don't think that was the case.
An hour and a half later we were still sitting there, Google and Google Images proving to be no help whatsoever. I had a flash of inspiration at one point and decided the answer is "A colour! White is a colour!". I was delighted with my burst of lateral thinking until John rang in with that very answer and it was declared wrong.
Eventually the Bear decided he'd had enough and was going to bed, so I reluctantly followed because this thing was driving me crazy and it was 1.30 in the morning after all. I googled it the next day. The answers turned out to be soy milk and a white alligator.
I hate that guy.