Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Diary of a Secretary

Week One

Was SO excited about my first day as Bill Cullen's secretary. Although I did have to spend the day staring at my lovely vase of flowers, counting petals seeing as Bill only gave me a phone for my desk. Maybe next week I'll get some paper or something. I'd like that. I could practice my autograph.

Week Two

*Sigh* Still no developments on the stationery front. I did get a swanky new phone though. And at least my flowers still look pretty.

Week Three

Got me a laptop and two pens WITH a holder and everything today. Oh yes, this desk is really coming together now. I might get a Feng Shui book so I can organise it in a way that might bring more office products to me.

Week Four

SCORE! Scissors, sellotape AND a stapler! This job is getting better and better. All I need to do now is figure out how to turn on the computer and I'm laughing! Should probably hide the scissors from Joanna though. She scares me.

Week Five

Hmm. Still can't figure out how to turn on that flippin laptop. Bill was nice enough to give me an A4 refill pad and some post-its though, so I can't complain too much I suppose. I think Joanna stole my scissors. Damn.

Week Six

Yeah, that's it pick on the new girl. Can't believe someone took my refill pad and my stapler. Stupid laptop still won't stupid work. Also beginning to suspect that those flowers are fake. Jesus Bill, tight enough.

Week Seven

God I'm so sick of looking at their nervous, backstabby faces and this infuriating blank screen. Then to top it off, as soon as I get my refill pad back, some smartarse took my post-its. I bet Frances never had to deal with this kind of crap on the UK Apprentice. It's time to take matters into my own hands. Stationery cupboard, here I come!

Week Eight

YEAH! Suck on that, bitches! Muahaha look at all this lovely stuff and it's mine, all mine! Anybody even thinking about borrowing my sexy new hole-punch had better back the fuck off. And no-one needs to know that I'm typing on a switched off computer so long as I keep the screen this way. Reeesult.

Week Nine

Excellent. My murderous stare tactic from last week has worked so far. No mysterious disappearances this time round, no siree. Not till next week anyway. Should probably call the Dell helpline to get this laptop sorted out though...



  1. brilliant am laughing my arse off here!! ha ha! :-)

  2. Hehe, ta! I thought it was about time someone spoke up for the poor girl!

  3. Ha ha ha ha ha
    I am weak laughing at that!!! hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

  4. BRILLIANT STUFF! Good on yer. Giggling stoopidly at desk here.

  5. And did you notice we got a new angel last night too. Seeing a whole different side to the girl now.

  6. Absolutely LOVE this post. I showed it to the boyfriend too and he couldn't stop laughing :D

  7. Excellent! They couldn't amke it any more obvious that she's an actress.

    I just looked up 'the cast' of the English apprentice out of curiosity and Frances was played by a "Samantha Moon." http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450897/

  8. Genius - and she wore the same earrings twice!

  9. There's also some wonderful lack of continuity. Yer one who was fired this week was sporting some hideous beige shoes when she left the boardroom only to be sporting some black shoes while leaving. Their suitcases they bring to the boardroom often look empty

  10. Brilliant, loved it. Nice start to the day :)

  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  12. Brilliant! Sniggerring away at the desk here!

  13. utter genius. i cannot stop laughing. priceless! xx

  14. Hee hee hee brilliant, always notice the poor girl - at last she has a voice! She even had a line tonight!

  15. Hey Sis,

    hilarious, love it!!! Office and apprentice in 1. xxxxx

  16. Hello, This is my first time visiting here. Your blog is a nice,I thought I would leave my first comment. :)

    Greets from
    Kenali dan Kunjungi Objek Wisata di Pandeglang


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